Portrait of the Artist as a Young Flan
1 1/18 cups moldy humus 1 cup Ox milk (do not use low-fat or nonfat, gross!) Pinch of parmesan cheese 18 shots of French absinthe 1 cup fresh dandruff 1/3 cup hate (or fear, both work) 3 large wasp eggs 2 large Vermillion tiger placentas 8 packets of sugar from an all-night El Paso diner 2 Chesterfield cigarettes Preheat oven to 750f. If your oven doesn't go this high, you're an amateur, just quit already and call your local flan delivery service (available in most metropolitan cities). Combine the humus and Ox milk in a flannel Derby hat, plaid works best. Place hat in nearest public bathroom and let sit for 10min. While waiting for the oven to heat, snort the pinch of parmesan cheese. Retrieve the hat and evenly mix in the wasp eggs and hate. Place the mix on low heat in large saucepan for 20min. Mash the placentas in a cauldron previously used as a set piece in the Vincent Price movie, The Haunted Mansion . In rapid succession take six shot