Modesty Contest

THE OTHER SON (draft) It was no ordinary birth.  Twins were highly uncommon at the time, generally resulting in death for both mother and progeny.  The holy men said it was a twin virgin birth, truly a blessing, a gift from God above.  Many discussions were had; they quickly agreed that only one child could truly be chosen, so one was sent away to live in isolation with the shepherds. Abiah never knew his origins as a child; he never questioned his keeper Sardis over this.  Sardis taught him the way of the sheep. The grazing, shearing of wool, the gentleness that the sheep's eye reflected back.  “Of all of God's creatures, Abiah, the sheep is best. It is generous to man both with fleece and with flesh,” Sardis would often remark. “But, like man with God, they require the guiding care of the shepherd” Sardis would write small poems and recite them daily to Abiah. “The Shepherd loved His little lamb, And gave it His tender care... And followed it with His l

Speculators, di-vide! Under flags of earthly intoxication and blasphemy, we pursue the everlasting heights, spiteful of all false gods and forefathers. The Holy Church of the Divide welcomes all to the fold of confusion and constant questions. Do not feel obliged to agree with what you have learned through your life or what you may or may not learn here. To question is to Divide. Many books hold answers, but what are the questions? Why are we here. Is there a point in living. Do we even need a purpose or is the pursuit of purpose actually life? The purpose is the Divide; the division between us, man and woman, adult and child, human and beast. Every entity is different, scientifically and spiritually, hence the Divide. Yet no one person can define life. What makes us similar also shows the disparity between all things. To agree or disagree, caring not for troubles and tri-bu-la-tions; it is a paradox, ultimately and indefinitely definitive. If the purpose of many religions is t

Heyyy-yo, it's time for more random music time fun times. Fall is here, so why not kick loose..  Holy shit, this band Fuzz is total awesome sauce. Heavy as hell psych-garage rock, it's amaaaaazing and trippy and just so much fun. I gush over this record. I've liked this band for a while, the French duo The Dø. This is a bit more electronic than their earlier stuff, but it's quite jolly and has a great church organ, chanty, Kate Bush-esque pop thing going on. Excellent on a nice pair of headphones. Not much to say about this, other than it is amazing. But how modern is modern?       Speaking of amazing, Bahamas is great new stuff. This is a great, chill song, nice for a patio or a hammock where a squirrel hits you in the balls with a walnut last Saturday. Spooky, hard boiled stuff from Canada's own Timber Timbre. These guys do some many murder ballads, they should be arrested..for murder? Great ani

Police! Being a cop must be a stressful, shitty job. If movies & TV have taught us nothing, copper's lives are filled with PTSD, drugs, anger, insecurity and the like. But it's no excuse for acting like a reckless asshole with a gun, right? Hells no, it's the Police Round-up Time Fun Hour, gang! Your man Prawo Jazdy is a slippery fellow.  He's wanted for 50 different driving offences all over Ireland.  Now, Prawo was clever because every time they booked him, his driving licence had a different address.  All the cops in Ireland had a different theory about how this 'Scarlet Pimpernel' escaped the clutches of the law. Finally, the penny dropped;  Prawo Jardy is not a Hungarian name, but the Polish words for "Driving Licence". The coppers had caught 53 different Polish drivers, but thought they were dealing with the same man. Naturally, the Polish community in Ireland had a good laugh about Mr. Prawo Jazdy. In Louisiana, a yo

The warm sun shines through hair no one wants to touch for fear of damage Fragile but determined movement a place to find happenstance yet predestined Leaves and grass traversed touring but no recall fated predisposition driving on Where is the desination is this the spot the place to make the adjustment The rush of air Shadowed wings beating flash a faunistic game Does the butterfly remember being the caterpillar?

Since the dawn of Man, we have been seeking a way to acceptably urinate in public.. That day has come, with the introduction of the most revolutionary, repulsionary interactive world of WHIZZ CITY™ Like most great ideas, the concept was spawned after a night of drinking spirits with friends. Merriment was had, shots were ingested, bladders were inflated. As we hopped between bars, an idea was posed for a video game in which the goal was to publicly micturate without getting caught. Naughty! Here's what we have compiled so far: As one of three choosable character, you start off in small-time Tinkle Town, move your way to the suburbs of Lavatoria and finally break bad in Whizz City! Hit up a Filling Station, i.e. bar, cafe or club to max out your Bladd-O-Meter™ (patent pending), then explore the region's parks, streets, back-alleys, beaches, markets and more! Each level will have a time limit and if you don't fully relieve yourself before the clock runs out.

Did you know the very first mascot was an elephant? It's true. Billy the Elephant was the widely beloved mascot for the St. Louis Bombers, a minor league badminton club in the early 1900's. People young and old respected and admired Billy for the good luck and enthusiasm he brought to the team and the entire city of old St. Louis. Then, tragedy struck. After a particularly painful loss to their arch-rivals, the Cleveland Dandies, Billy went mad, killing 4 men and badly mauling a priest. The authorities were unsure what to do with Billy, so, in the tradition of capitalism, they sold him for $18 to Thomas Edison, who was experimenting with electricity at the time. He then discovered that, yes, electricity would in fact kill a man dressed in a elephant costume. After the disaster, The Bombers replaced Billy with Arthur the Penguin. Surely a harmless penguin would not mutilate the fans, right? Wrong. So wrong. Not long after assuming his position, Arthur stabbed

One morning, John awoke and began his day, just like any other.  The routine was light breakfast, shower and shave. Neat and procedural to a tee, then off to work.  He was feeling fuzzy on his drive, a slight buzzing in his ears. A faint hum of distortion reverberated through the car.  John checked the radio, fidgeting with the levels, changing stations, and finally just turning off the stereo.  Still the buzz persisted. Maybe it was the car, John told himself.  Driving in silence, suddenly there was a pop and..  "Dear Casey, my name is John and I'd like to tell you about my morning.. I woke up at about 7, and took a long shower. During that shower, I thought about how my life seemed like it was more or less on repeat. This made me feel a bit blue. But I washed my hair and felt better. I then had a light omelette and toast before leaving for work; I'd like to dedicate "Something Happened on the Way to Heaven" by Phil Collins, to myself. Sincere

Apologies are in order for the lack of profundity as of late; I have no excuses as to the absence of le concours de modestie .  Best to start off anew with some poetry, no?  THE SMILE William Blake T here is a smile of love,  And there is a smile of deciet,  And there is a smile of smiles In which these two smiles meet. And there is a frown of hate,  And there is a frown of disdain,  And there is a frown of frowns Which you strive to forget in vain.  For it sticks in the heart's deep core,  And it sticks in the deep back bone. And no smile that ever was smiled But only one smile alone,  That betwixt the cradle & grave It only once smiled can be;  But when it once is smiled,  There's an end to all misery. Spring has finally sprung after one of the most intense winters in the past 20 years and thoughts turn to love and the lack thereof. The bloom that occurs makes one think of squandered chances,