Modesty Contest

Did you know the very first mascot was an elephant? It's true. Billy the Elephant was the widely beloved mascot for the St. Louis Bombers, a minor league badminton club in the early 1900's. People young and old respected and admired Billy for the good luck and enthusiasm he brought to the team and the entire city of old St. Louis. Then, tragedy struck. After a particularly painful loss to their arch-rivals, the Cleveland Dandies, Billy went mad, killing 4 men and badly mauling a priest. The authorities were unsure what to do with Billy, so, in the tradition of capitalism, they sold him for $18 to Thomas Edison, who was experimenting with electricity at the time. He then discovered that, yes, electricity would in fact kill a man dressed in a elephant costume. After the disaster, The Bombers replaced Billy with Arthur the Penguin. Surely a harmless penguin would not mutilate the fans, right? Wrong. So wrong. Not long after assuming his position, Arthur stabbed ...

One morning, John awoke and began his day, just like any other.  The routine was light breakfast, shower and shave. Neat and procedural to a tee, then off to work.  He was feeling fuzzy on his drive, a slight buzzing in his ears. A faint hum of distortion reverberated through the car.  John checked the radio, fidgeting with the levels, changing stations, and finally just turning off the stereo.  Still the buzz persisted. Maybe it was the car, John told himself.  Driving in silence, suddenly there was a pop and..  "Dear Casey, my name is John and I'd like to tell you about my morning.. I woke up at about 7, and took a long shower. During that shower, I thought about how my life seemed like it was more or less on repeat. This made me feel a bit blue. But I washed my hair and felt better. I then had a light omelette and toast before leaving for work; I'd like to dedicate "Something Happened on the Way to Heaven" by Phil Collins, to myself. S...

Apologies are in order for the lack of profundity as of late; I have no excuses as to the absence of le concours de modestie .  Best to start off anew with some poetry, no?  THE SMILE William Blake T here is a smile of love,  And there is a smile of deciet,  And there is a smile of smiles In which these two smiles meet. And there is a frown of hate,  And there is a frown of disdain,  And there is a frown of frowns Which you strive to forget in vain.  For it sticks in the heart's deep core,  And it sticks in the deep back bone. And no smile that ever was smiled But only one smile alone,  That betwixt the cradle & grave It only once smiled can be;  But when it once is smiled,  There's an end to all misery. Spring has finally sprung after one of the most intense winters in the past 20 years and thoughts turn to love and the lack thereof. The bloom ...

I've seen a few terrible opening bands lately. A shitty opener.. it seems to affect a show, overall. It's true, we all pretty much came to see the main event, but when a first band is so..terrible.. it's really jarring, to transition from hot garbage to something you generally like. The origin of the word "jarring" is when a person would get angry with another person and there just happens to be a jar nearby, somebody is getting a glass jar to the face. And that's a shock to the jareee and the jarrer alike. Went to Nine Inch Nails Tension 2013 show at the mega dome Air Canada Centre.. and was blown away. Skipped the opening band, probably a wise choice, as NIN was superb. Amazing light show, performance.. for a full concert video, see HERE . Highly suggested.  Stop Making Sense by the Talking Heads is one of the better concert movie experiences around.. not too many cuts, great sound, just all around tasty. Good Chicago concert ...

Oh, man, if there was a competition in the olympics for sleeping, I would sign up most definitely. It's always been a hobby, but I think I could take it to the next level, and go pro. There would be different categories, who could fall asleep the fastest, long distance sleep (sleeping while consistently traveling), who can sleep the longest and the like.  Though I don't remember many dreams, when I do, they are usually quite jarring. It's like memories are being tapped and fed through a weird lotto ball picking machine.. ball one: fettuccine. ball two: coal mining. ball three: falling down stairs. Mash them up, see what happens.  Woah, okay, weird, like I said. Ohh, so overly dramatic!  Is it just me or is there a not too subtle Cold War, Us. vs The Commies subtext to this ad? Sheesh. Although, one day I do hope to conquer nature, fight time and colonize gravity, so.. Washed Out is dope sleeping music. It's like a slow wave.. Sci...

Nature, beautiful but deadly! Cats in particular, they're killing machines. From the bacteria they store under their claws to their lightning quick reflexes.  And it turns out they have parasitic properties, too..   Toxoplasma gondii is a nasty parasite that originates only from cats. Parasites form a non-mutually beneficial relationship with their host, not killing them but feeding off their life essence. Apparently, parasites used to only refer to creatures visible to the naked eye, but now include microscopic critters. Not sure when the definition changed, I'm guessing around the time the microscope was invented.  Anyway, cats are the only hosts within which toxoplasma can sexually reproduce to complete and begin its lifecycle, spreading to humans and virtually all other warm-blooded animals. In non-sciencey terms, it begins with a cat eating a mouse or some other animal already infected with the parasite. Then, in the cat's intestines, a hotbed of a...