Modesty Contest

Going to see a movie in a theatre is generally a pleasurable experience. Sticky floors, stale popcorn, sitting in the darkness with strangers, enjoying a piece of art. It's great, I love it, it really is the only way to properly enjoy a film. But.. things can go wrong. Horribly wrong. Last night was one such experience and it was dreadful. I have not seen The Third Man , an excellent movie from the late 40's and a wickedly good Graham Greene story, in a long time, so I was excited to see it was screening in the neighbourhood. I invited a buddy of mine to come to, as he enjoys cinema as well. In retrospect, my adulation that the theatre was showing such a classic was a mistake, I got my hopes up pretty high. But, hey, what could go wrong? Go to theatre, buy ticket, watch movie, enjoy immensely and book it. Simple. But, alas, it was not meant to be, for it was organized by some literary club or some shit, and they had a guest speaker before the screening. The speaker ...

Life without the internet for about a month.. it was refreshing! Taking a break, clearing the head, it's a positive jolt! Sure, I missed events, album leaks, the latest videos, TV, online banking, porno, podcasts and shows, but I also appreciated the Toronto summer a bit more, it was a kick! And it felt good to take a step back, for sure. It was getting to be a bit much, spending majority of time in front of a screen. Radiation posioning! Ok, ok! So I wasn't totally  from the net, I did have access at work, gimme a break! In 1838, in England, The People's Charter called for six basic reforms to make the political system more democratic: Every man over 21 who is not a criminal or insane should be allowed to vote. Voting should be done in secret. You do not have to be rich or own property to become an MP. All MPs should be paid for doing their job. All voting areas should be the same size. Elections should be held every year. Cutting edge, right? At th...

All this talk of moving these days, let's devote some time to the act of leaving one's home! Journeys made to some place with the purpose of venerating it, in order to ask there for supernatural aid, to discharge some religious obligation.. heavy stuff! I do hope to get some discharge and aid from my new apartment.. Amanda Bynes got kicked out of her NYC apartment for allegedly tossing a bong off her balcony and smoking in the lobby. She was described by the media in all sorts of ways, from "bong throwing heathen" to "mutated celebrity stoner". Now that's not very nice! I've never tossed a bong, but I think there are worse offences out there..like owning ferrets! This guy in Paris lived in a 17-sq ft apartment for years and was finally booted. He was paying about $400/mo! Now that is a rough go! Oh, wow, there is a website www.mothering.com that has some priceless posts concerning..motherhood, I guess. Here's a...

A nd now ladies and germs, I shall weave a tale of deception, intrigue..and murder! Murder most foul, I say! THE PORT AND THE FLEECE One morning in July a few years back, Olander decided to get an early jump on the day and prepare some outstanding invoices at his office in Saint John, NB. It had been a long time since he had worked at the brewery his family had created (and still run to this day). He never cared much for working for others, instead deciding to manage his own successful firm, running in trucking and various investments. Suddenly, an unidentified person entered his office and words were exchanged. Heated words, perhaps? Talk of money and debt flew, echoing down the empty hall, bouncing and landing on nothing.  He had promised himself not to bail him out again, last time was the final straw, and no more shillings could be fed into this indebted, spending machine. And this time, the sum was triple what it was previously! With great composure and...

So they found Richard III's corpse recently, after 500 years resting under a parking lot in Leicester. And now they are planning a $1.5m funeral for him in Leicester Cathedral. Not bad, wonder if any of his friends or incestuous offspring will show up. And it turns out he looks pretty close to way the paintings portrayed him! Art! Huzzah! Now is the summer of our discontent! And while we're on the topic of things probably best left underground, they found water in Timmins, ON that appears to be a quadrillion years old !! What terror lurks beneath the water.. Supposedly, it can support life without the assistance of sunlight and was originally trapped between forming rocks when North America was still a sea-bed. One of the stories mentioned the water being sweet to the taste, but deadly. Not sure how they figured out how it tastes, maybe they had one of the miners try a sip or something. Current death news! Journalist Helen Thomas passed away recentl...

A retired policeman conducts a fast-paced class on conflict management. He shows a video of a woman driven berserk by the fact that you cannot get chicken McNuggets at breakfast time. He asks the class if they have ever had a difficult customer, and every hand goes up. Students are then urged to share their advice. (“Serve drunks quickly…”). Your mom is right next to you!!  Here are a few recipes for mixed drinks that I've cooked up over the years: The Ginger Slim 1oz bourbon (Jack Daniels or Maker's Mark seem to work best) 1/2 bottle of Grace brand Ginger Beer (it's gotta be Grace, no other ginger beer packs a punch like this island brand) 1/4 of a lime Sprig of mint Mix in a Tom Collins glass, serve and enjoy! The Randy Rickey  1oz Tito's Handmade Vodka (gotta be Tito's, yo) 1/4 can of this shit that Arizona tea company makes, Mango Lime Rickey or Pop Shoppe Lime Rickey 1/4 of a lime or lemon, both w...